Posted by Editormum on 3 February 2005 in
News Commentary |
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I have often felt, both as a stay-home mom and as a mom with a career, that there are a number of indignities heaped upon women solely because they also happen to be mothers. I stayed home with my children for four years because I felt it was important enough to justify the loss of income and the resulting financial difficulties. I went back to work only when forced to do so — I divorced and had to provide for my children.
Why is a mother who works outside the home for pay called a “working mom” or a “career woman?” Believe me, women in the home work as hard, if not harder, than women in the home, and motherhood is a very demanding career. In my four years as a stay-home wife and mother, I often worked more than 80 hours a week doing unpaid labor such as housecleaning, child care, food prep, home maintenance and repair, and landscaping. Why was I held in contempt by my working friends — while the lady who worked for a day care and the girl who worked for a maid service were respected “working women”?
Why are “mother” and “homemaker” not considered careers? I was a stay-home mom because that was the career I chose for myself — when I was about 10 years old. But it was hard to stay happy and feel fulfilled in a career that other people saw as worthless and unskilled — and those people wasted no words in telling me that my work was worthless and unimportant. Many people asked me why I was “wasting” my college education. Women who work in day cares, bakeries, or maid services are not asked such questions; they do not have to defend their career choices — why should a woman who chooses to be a homemaker have to defend herself? And homemaking is not a collection of “unskilled” tasks to perform. Properly running a household and caring for young children takes as much effort, time, education, and ability as running a business.
And then women are penalized for their choices — financially and socially. The mom who sends her child off to day care for someone else to raise is praised — and given a tax credit to offset the cost of the childcare. The mom who stays home to care for her own child is looked down upon — and her family gets no tax credit to offset the loss of her wages, which is the cost of childcare for her family. If society does not compensate the stay-home mom for the financial exigencies that arise from her choice, why should it compensate the “working mom” for the costs of her choice?
My suggestion: If you continue to offer a tax credit to the woman who pays for day care so that she can work outside her home, then give me a tax credit for the same amount, since my staying home means that my family loses at least that much income by having me provide child care. Such a measure would bring incredible relief to middle and lower class families, and might offer a choice to those women who want to be home with their children, but who need their second income to make ends meet.
Tags: career, motherhood, parenting, Philosophy, respect, stay-home mom
Penalties of Stay-Home Parenting
I have often felt, both as a stay-home mom and as a mom with a career, that there are a number of indignities heaped upon women solely because they also happen to be mothers. I stayed home with my children for four years because I felt it was important enough to justify the loss of income and the resulting financial difficulties. I went back to work only when forced to do so — I divorced and had to provide for my children.
Why is a mother who works outside the home for pay called a “working mom” or a “career woman?” Believe me, women in the home work as hard, if not harder, than women in the home, and motherhood is a very demanding career. In my four years as a stay-home wife and mother, I often worked more than 80 hours a week doing unpaid labor such as housecleaning, child care, food prep, home maintenance and repair, and landscaping. Why was I held in contempt by my working friends — while the lady who worked for a day care and the girl who worked for a maid service were respected “working women”?
Why are “mother” and “homemaker” not considered careers? I was a stay-home mom because that was the career I chose for myself — when I was about 10 years old. But it was hard to stay happy and feel fulfilled in a career that other people saw as worthless and unskilled — and those people wasted no words in telling me that my work was worthless and unimportant. Many people asked me why I was “wasting” my college education. Women who work in day cares, bakeries, or maid services are not asked such questions; they do not have to defend their career choices — why should a woman who chooses to be a homemaker have to defend herself? And homemaking is not a collection of “unskilled” tasks to perform. Properly running a household and caring for young children takes as much effort, time, education, and ability as running a business.
And then women are penalized for their choices — financially and socially. The mom who sends her child off to day care for someone else to raise is praised — and given a tax credit to offset the cost of the childcare. The mom who stays home to care for her own child is looked down upon — and her family gets no tax credit to offset the loss of her wages, which is the cost of childcare for her family. If society does not compensate the stay-home mom for the financial exigencies that arise from her choice, why should it compensate the “working mom” for the costs of her choice?
My suggestion: If you continue to offer a tax credit to the woman who pays for day care so that she can work outside her home, then give me a tax credit for the same amount, since my staying home means that my family loses at least that much income by having me provide child care. Such a measure would bring incredible relief to middle and lower class families, and might offer a choice to those women who want to be home with their children, but who need their second income to make ends meet.
Tags: career, motherhood, parenting, Philosophy, respect, stay-home mom