You Do What You Train To
I took a self-defence seminar hosted by my karate school on May 1. I enjoyed it immensely and learned a lot that will help me as I advance through the ranks. Gained a little confidence on some of the basic skills, and got a few pre-set sequences to click.
But I also learned something very important that clarified an issue I’ve struggled with for years. At the end of the seminar, our Sensei called us together and talked to us about self-defence training. And one of the things that he said was that in a crisis, you do what you have trained to do. You go as far with it as you have gone in training.
This is an important concept, he said, because you have to decide now, not in the moment of crisis, whether you are going to train to restrain, disable, or kill. He talked about the police and military, and why they have trained psychologists and counselors on staff. He talked about the various moves that he’d been showing us, and how, at differing levels of intensity or with a slightly different movement, the technique could be used to restrain someone, disable them, or to kill them. He talked about emotional, psychological, and spiritual aspects of the decision.
And finally, something clicked for me.
My brothers and friends have encouraged me in the past to buy a gun and get my carry permit. As a single mom, I’m often out shopping after dark, and I’m often traveling alone. They were concerned that I would be unable to protect myself or the kids if something happened.
And while I shared their concern, I’ve delayed getting a permit and weapon … not because I’m afraid of guns or have terrible aim (I’m not and I don’t — I’m actually a decent shot, though it’s been quite some time since I handled a firearm), but because I wasn’t sure I could kill someone if it came to that, and I know that a gun in an uncommitted or uncertain hand is more danger to the holder than to the attacking criminal.
I’m not hesitant over killing because I’m afraid or too weak. I’m pretty sure that, given the right circumstances, I would not be afraid, and I would not be lacking the necessary strength (which isn’t really as much as people tend to imagine). Adrenaline would take over and squeamishness or physical weakness would not be an issue.
And it’s not that I’m afraid that I would be the one killed. I’m not afraid of dying. Though I would prefer to stick around for a while, I know where I’m going when I die, and the prospect is not unpleasant in the least.
My hesitation is not because I’m fundamentally opposed to killing — I’m not, assuming that the killing is done in self-defence. I think the Bible is pretty clear that if you kill someone when defending yourself, your family, or your property, then you are not culpable. Likewise, the Bible makes provision for accidental killings. I am completely opposed to murder, but that’s a whole nother topic.
It never occurred to me that my hesitation might have a spiritual cause … until Sensei’s lecture. He said that for Christians, the fundamental issue was spiritual. A hesitation to cut off a person’s chance to repent and be saved. You see, as a Christian I believe that you have until the moment of death to repent of your sin and seek God’s forgiveness. And I don’t think it’s my place to decide that a person has had all the chances he’s going to get.
I suppose you could argue that if the person is threatening me, then it is they who have made the choice, and I’m blameless if I kill them. That may be true. But I do not want that responsibility on my soul — the responsibility of cutting off another person before he repents.
Understanding this concept has clarified my thinking. I now know that in my martial arts training, I’m going for “restrain or disable,” not for lethal. I’ll certainly file away the adaptations of techniques that render them lethal, but I will probably never practice them or use them. I’m not comfortable going that far. Permanent disability, sure. Restraint until the legal authorities take over, absolutely. But dealing out death is just not for me.