Kids and Loss
I discovered a stunning fact yesterday evening. My kids don’t always understand what I tell them.
This is a stunner because I am a reasonably capable communicator. My verbal skills have tested well above average, and my communication ability is constantly being put to the test in the work that I do. So you’d think that I could clearly explain to my kids that their favourite teacher has taken a job in another state and will not be coming back to our church again.
Well, I failed that one.
After their choir rehearsal last night, as we were riding home in the car, my older son says, “Mom, I don’t really like Mr. X [the new choir director]. When is Miss Z coming back?”
So I say, “Honey, Miss Z has moved to North Carolina. She’s not coming back — except maybe for a visit.”
And he starts to CRY! So I ask him, “Didn’t you understand when mommy told you she had a new job and would be going to help this other church?”
So he tells me that he thought she was just going for a few weeks to fix their problems, and then she’d be back.
AAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE! So we had a long talk about Miss Z and why she had to go, and how we want her to do what’s best for her. And about Mr. X and how different teachers have different ways of doing things, and that’s okay, we have to adapt to different people. And how special people will come in and out of your life, and you remember the happy times with them, even when you are sad that they left.
And I promised to find out Miss Z’s birthday and address so that the boys can send her a birthday card and an occasional letter.
But I’m thinking, how did I fail to communicate the essential fact that Miss Z is moving away and won’t be back?
Sigh. Just goes to show that I’m not perfect, and not always in top form as a communicator.