Things I Miss, Being a Single Mom

Let’s start with the obvious: Household help. It was wonderful when I had a housekeeper. She came on alternate weeks and did the dusting, the vacuuming, the bathroom scrubbing, the windows, and the kitchen. She was a dream. I had a yard guy, who also came on alternate weeks and mowed, edged, mulched, and picked up leaves and sticks. Life was much simpler then.

I had to let them both go last Christmas, along with the hair guy, when I realized that I was going $500 into the hole every month. When I was laid off from my job at the pilot’s union, I lost a $37K a year job with benefits that included health insurance, 401(k) and pension plan, cell phone, computer training, and a lot of other lovely perks. My new job pays $33K with absolutely zero benefits. So the budget has taken a really big hit and the kids and I have had to cut way back. No more housekeeper, no more yard guy. No more once a month haircuts. No more Sunday breakfasts at Perkins or CK’s. No more Friday night pizza and movie parties. No more fantabulous $75 birthday cakes from the local bakery. Now we’re keeping level, and trying to pay off the debt that we accumulated in the last two years: six months of unemployment, and eighteen months of underpaid employment. And replenish my emergency fund, which has been devastated by first one thing and then another. I’m also beginning to look around for another job, as they’ve made it clear at work that there is no money in the budget for raises or benefits. Sorry, as much as I like the job, I simply can’t live on the salary.

Then there’s events that I miss. With the cost of babysitting (not to mention never knowing if this will be the night that the sweet, unassuming babysitter who has been such an angel for months will suddenly turn into the bitch from hell and murder your kids or have sex with her boyfriend after the kids are in bed), I don’t go out much. I miss concerts and plays. I miss being able to just up and decide that tonight I am going to go to the most expensive restaurant in town and have a six-course meal, from appetiser to after-dinner coffee. I miss being able to decide to teach a CPR class tomorrow because their volunteers have all backed out and I am their last hope. I think what I miss most is spontaneity. Sure, I can do spontaneous things with the kids, but not adult things. I can, for instance, spontaneously decide to go to the zoo or the playground, but I can’t spontaneously decide to go to the local pub and play eight-ball until midnight.

And finally, there’s adult companionship. I miss being able to go to the store with someone that I don’t have to constantly tell to keep his hands to himself. I miss shopping for clothes. I miss having someone to sit with me and watch a movie while I iron or fold clothes. I miss having someone to help me change the light bulbs, wash the dishes, and landscape the yard. I miss having someone to cook for who appreciates something besides chicken nuggets and hot dogs.

There are things I don’t miss, but that’s a topic for another post.

Tags: chores, housework, Philosophy, single parenting