Another Busy Day—Full of Humiliation
I am worn out today. I can’t wait to get to bed. I kept on going with the “Survival Mode Recovery List” today, but it got tougher as the day wore on. Probably because the day started out so depressing.
My first task this morning was to go down to “Human Services” and file for public assistance. We won’t need it this month, but, by the end of next month, we will definitely need some sort of help with groceries, bills, and the like. Better to get the process started now.
The office I had to go to is in a run-down and depressing area of town. Not exactly a slum, but decidedly worn-out and ugly. The office was in what used to be a grocery store or a warehouse … also worn down, shabby, and ugly. I had to stand in line for several minutes to check in and get instructions. Then I had to sit in some ridiculously tiny seats with desk arms (I mean, seriously, these things were about 15 inches wide) to fill out some paperwork, which I was to turn in at cubicle 10. After turning in the paperwork, I had to sit in another bank of tiny, ugly desk-chairs for about half an hour. When the screener called my name, I found out that this was merely the rigmarole for setting an appointment to see a caseworker. I have to go back in Thursday morning at 7:30 with a huge raft of papers and documentation so that a caseworker can evaluate my family’s need.
It was just so depressing, sitting there. I was dressed in my oldest and most casual office outfit, but I looked like Queen Elizabeth compared to everyone else in the building — even the employees. I’ve never seen so many disheveled and dirty people. And they all looked so sad, so hopeless. I can’t see how they can take the constant humiliation of being treated like so many cattle, herded this way and then that. And now I am one of them. I hope no one ever finds me sitting in that office dressed in a tattered knit dress that’s a size too small, with flipflops on my feet and my hair in curlers.
Anyway, I sent out about 15 resumes today, and some of them sounded like good jobs. I’m hoping. I have a couple more resumes to fax tomorrow, and about five to snail mail. I also have one place that I have to physically appear in to apply. I’m going there right after I drop off the kids at VBS.