Is It Life? Or the Weather?
I just cannot shake this funk. It ebbs and flows a bit, as I keep busy or not, but it’s always there, lurking.
It could be the weather. It’s been overcast and mostly rainy here since Sunday, though I did get out and mow the backyard on Sunday afternoon. But it started raining that night and it’s been raining sporadically ever since. I seem to be very sensitive to sunlight, needing a good bit of it to keep my spirits up. I’d call it “Seasonal Affective Disorder,” but it’s not seasonal. A few rainy days in summer put me just as low as the cloudy days of winter. In any case, I have to have light.
A lot of it is the job situation. It’s so discouraging to know that I’ve got the word out, that I’ve applied for at least fifty active positions as well as handing my resume out to everyone and their dog, and I’ve only gotten three interviews out of it. I do have a couple of promising leads, but I’m having trouble staying encouraged.
And then there is the situation with my ex. My lawyer, bless him, told me that the letter my ex sent, even if it was certified, has no legal status, impact, or bearing at all. I don’t even have to respond to it. But that only postpones the problem, it doesn’t solve it. My lawyer is also worried that if the visitation thing goes back to court, we might lose the supervision entirely. You have to prove that someone is unfit and dangerous, and we have no recent incidents that “outrage the moral conscience.” A lot of stupidity, sure, but nothing “outrageous.” So that’s preying on my mind as well. At least I don’t have to do anything until he actually hires a lawyer and has a motion filed with the court. And then the court will send us through counseling and mediation. So it’s a stagnant pool right now. But stagnant pools — whether in the back yard or the back of your mind — stink and breed disgusting things.
And there is, of course, the financial morass I have fallen into. With the debt on top of having no income (other than the child support), I’m really stressed over the money thing. And come to find out, I can’t draw on public assistance until I have less than $2000 in liquid assets … and they consider my IRA a liquid asset. Which means that if I don’t start drawing a paycheck within two weeks, I am going to have to start drawing from my IRA, which means paying a penalty and taxes on whatever I pull out.
So I suppose it’s life and the weather, but I’m feeling a bit down. I guess I will go join my kids for lunch and then clean something so that I am at least being active. Staying busy keeps the Doldrums somewhat at bay.
2 Comments
Hang in there… I’m job searching, too, and it can seem desperate at times, but at least you have a couple of interviews lined up…that’s encouraging.
And, I completely empathize with your problems with the ex. I went through that for years before mine reached adulthood. The best advice I can give you is hold your ground. My ex threatened me with all kinds of verbal bullying re: taking the kids, etc. If the courts have approved restricted or supervised visitation for him, you have a strong position. That said, it was the most frightening thing in the world to let my kids visit my ex. Although I can see from where I am now that his threats were empty, they sure scared the begeebers out of me then! Take heart and keep going. You can do it…and your kids will respect you in the end for all you’ve done for them.
I do believe the weather is a major player in our moods. Hope it gets nice and sunny for you soon.