A New Year’s Resolution for Those Living in the Shadow of Abuse

Are you in an abusive situation? Is there someone who tyrannizes you, tells you that you are stupid or worthless, or who physically attacks you?

This year, promise yourself that you will not allow this behaviour to continue. Resolve that you will free yourself, and protect those whom you love, from the abuser.

There are ways to protect yourself and ways to free yourself without risking further injury. First, you must understand that domestic violence is a crime, and that mental/psychological torture is considered abuse and grounds for divorce in most locales. You have the right not to be abused, and the right to protection from abusers.

Your steps of action to freeing yourself (and your children) from abuse are these.

1. Think. Identify whom you can call, safe places to go, and measures that you can take to protect yourself as you prepare to take your stand.
2. Plan. Pack and hide a small bag with money, extra car keys and/or bus passes, a list of important phone numbers, and medications. Add any other essentials with these things, and leave them with a trusted family member or friend.

   Carefully work out your plan of action for the next time abuse threatens. Whom will you call first? Where will you go? Will you need to retain a lawyer to file restraining orders, separation/divorce papers, or other legal protective measures? How will you remove your children from danger?

3. Act. When violence is likely, seek safety and follow your plan.

If your abuser is not physically violent at this time, make your plans just as carefully. From personal experience I can attest that the non-violent abuser can, and most likely will, eventually escalate from non-violent torture to physical torture.

It is important that all who are abused take responsibility to protect themselves and those who are dependent on them for safety. It is not necessary to confront your abuser yourself; you can insist that counseling and confrontation of problems be a condition of reconciliation, child visitation, and the like. Abusers are adept at manipulating those who are in their power, making it too dangerous for an abused person to confront his abuser without a fully-trained counselor or psychologist to mediate, translate, and confront.

As a recovering victim of abuse, I make it my special prayer and mission to inform those who are victims of abuse that escape is possible, as is the construction of a normal and enjoyable life once one is free of the manacles of abuse.

Tags: abuse, challenges, Family Life, stress