“… having done Your will with cheerfulness …”
O God, the King eternal, whose light divides the day from the night and turns the shadow of death into the morning: Drive far from us all wrong desires, incline our hearts to keep your law, and guide our feet into the way of peace; that, having done your will with cheerfulness during the day, we may, when night comes, rejoice to give you thanks; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
This collect from today’s Morning Office (Matins) really resonated with my soul.
I’m at the office today, but my heart’s not in it. The whole “having done Your will with cheerfulness” thing is just not working for me today.
I don’t want to be here. I want to be at home. Not for any particular reason, just … because. But, of course, it is clearly God’s will for me to be here, because nothing prevented my coming to work, and I have a long-standing agreement with my employer to be here from 8 to 5, five days a week. So, since I know God wants me to honor my agreements, and He didn’t intervene in this one today, I know I’m in His will. I’m just not happy about it. Because MY will is to be on a beach somewhere with a book, a big floppy hat, and a tall, cold glass of freshly made iced lemonade.
But, of course, if I’m to practise what I preach, I need to muster some cheerfulness — beach or no beach. As C.S. Lewis would say, I’m “under orders.” The Bible says that I am to give thanks in everything and rejoice evermore. (1 Thessalonians 5:14-18)
It’s hard to be cheerful, to rejoice, to give thanks, when your will is being interfered with, or when you are reaping unpleasant consequences of poor choices. And I am reaping pretty bountifully right now.
Finances are tighter than tight, and both I and the kids are having to cut back on things that we love to do. There’s just not the money to do them. The reasons for the tight finances would fill a book — some are my fault, some are not — but that doesn’t change the reaping.
My house is a mess … and that’s because I will always, very cheerfully, let the housework go in order to do ANYTHING else. With ANYONE. I’m having to learn to make housework as important a demand as, say, feeding the kids … but I’m not exactly feeling cheerful about it.
And I’m tired. Because I chose to stay up late several nights in a row, even though I know that it always makes me draggy for days afterward. And because I haven’t been faithful with my vitamin supplements. Miss a few days of D and B, and I’m in pretty pathetic shape.
Oh well. The nice thing about my faith is that it teaches a second chance. “Repent,” it says, “and pick yourself up and give it another go.” So, here I go … giving it another go. And may God bless my feeble efforts.
I CAN rejoice in the second chance.
I CAN be cheerful about getting to try again.
And I can just keep trying. After all, that is all that God asks. Try. CS Lewis says that if only the will to walk is there, God is pleased with even our stumbles. And I can definitely rejoice in that.