Mama Told Me There’d Be Days Like This…..
Actually, the morning started off quite well. I didn’t sleep entirely comfortably, owing to the sunburn on my shoulders and halfway down the back of my arms, which made it necessary for me to sleep on my stomach; still, I did manage to get about six hours of uninterrupted sleep after soaking for an hour in a tepid bath with about a quart of honey dissolved in it and after drinking a glass of water with three aspirins. I woke about 4, smeared some more light moisturizer on my shoulders, and slept again until about 6:30. I dozed for another hour, then got up and got ready for church.
We got there just on time, and I went down to the choir room to get ready for Choir Sunday; choir members vote on their favorite three anthems from the preceding year, and we sing the top three vote-getters all in one wonderful service. This year’s choices were a beautiful arrangement of “Kumbaya,” a lyrical meditation called “In the Shadow of Your Wings,” and a solo-with-backup version of the spiritual “Writ’n Down My Name.” I enjoyed the spiritual because my favorite bass soloist was featured; he’s a local celebrity named James (Jim) Hyter, and he has sung “Ol’ Man River” at the Fourth of July celebration here in Memphis since before I was born. I can vividly remember my parents’ taking me down to see the fireworks when I was four years old, and hearing him sing for the first time. I have been in love with his voice for 31 years, and I was thrilled out of my mind when I found out that Jim was in the choir at my church.
Anyway, the church service went great, and the ex was even early to pick up the kids today, which fitted perfectly into my plans. My parents had called to ask me out to lunch to celebrate my birthday, so I was going to get a grownup meal with grownup conversation. And my favorite restaurant has a spectacular Sunday brunch that ends at 2 p.m. The ex being early meant we’d make it to the brunch.
So he pulled out of the driveway and I picked up my keys to leave. That’s when it happened. I realised that I need to visit the bathroom before I left. The fatal mistake. Never use the bathroom before you leave; wait until you get there. When I finished my business, I pushed the flush lever, and water and, um, stuff flooded the entire bathroom floor. I grabbed every towel I could find to stop the flow before the water and stuff ran over the threshold and onto the hardwood parquet floor. (It’s the real stuff, not Pergo, laid down in the 1950s. It’s the one thing in this house that I do not wish to change.)
I took off my leather shoes and pulled on my Wellies over my stockings; then I took off my skirt and tucked my slip and corset laces up under my corset, into the waistband of my pettipants. Then I grabbed the plunger and thought, “Oh yuck! All this stuff….” I plunged. Nothing happened except the stuff got even more revolting. After 15 minutes of plunging, I wised up. I went out to the back shed and grabbed my birdseed buckets — three one-gallon plastic buckets and a one-quart galvanized steel bucket for dipping. I dipped all that foul stuff out of the toilet bowl and flushed it down the toilet in the half bath. Then I flushed the plugged toilet again. Still no go. Clear water with a few bits of stuff flooded the floor again. This time, having no towels left, I had to use the thermal blankets we’d taken off the beds to wash.
Well, to make a long story short, I plunged that blasted commode for a solid hour, periodically stopping to bail out the mucky water and re-flush in hopes of having jarred something loose, but it was all in vain. I did get quite good at bailing fast enough to keep water off the bathroom floor. I finally collapsed, in tears of rage and frustration, just as my dad called to see if I was all right. When I told him, he told me to leave it and get ready, that he’d look at it after I got some lunch.
So we went to Paulette’s, a wonderful French restaurant with amazing food, and had their famous popovers with our stuffed crepes. I had Chicken Supreme, a crepe stuffed with chicken and a white wine cream sauce and topped with toasted slivered almonds. I also had spinach souffle and a hot chocolate crepe. My folks had ham palascinta and apple crepes and a spinach florentine crepe. Dad had fudge pie and Mom had Jamaican Crepe for dessert — yeah, we passed up their famous Kahlua Pie, primarily because it is gargantuan and would have taken one of us about three hours to eat.
Then we went to Sam’s Club so I could fill the children’s new prescriptions …. only to find that the Sam’s Pharmacy is closed on Sunday. Then my grandmother called — she wondered where we were. She’d somehow gotten the idea that we were coming out there. So we went and I opened my gifts: a complete set of hardcover Harry Potter books, The Complete Tolkien Companion, and a boxed set containing poster-sized maps of Tolkien’s Middle Earth and a slim book containing an analysis and history of Middle Earth. Grandma gave me cash, as always. (These gifts were excellent and did a lot towards cheering me up. Books always cheer me up.)
The folks dropped me off at home and went to change into grubbies for the nasty task at hand. When they returned, my ex had dropped off the children. Dad and I plunged the toilet some more, and Dad finally got the blockage clear. Then we found the clean-out and Dad ran his snake through it all the way to the street. He said he cleared some stuff in there, too, so we’re hoping this clears the problem with the toilet. But what a crappy way to spend my birthday celebration day — cleaning sewage off the bathroom floor and fixtures.
Cleaning the bathroom can now be stricken from my to-do list, though. I mopped the floor three times, once with a strong bleach solution, and I scrubbed the tub with Fast Orange before running ten minutes worth of hot water through the shower on it. The washer is running now with the third load of towels, and I will have two loads of blankets to do.
Anyway, the day is over, thank heaven, and I have to get to bed. The kids are in a medical research study and the first appointment is at 9 tomorrow morning. I need to get some sleep.