Instant Obedience?
The discussion at this blog over whether God expects first-time obedience from us struck a chord with me. I believe that He does, usually, expect us to obey Him instantly and without question. However, there are plenty of examples in Scripture where God shows mercy and gives a second chance. While I could give several examples, the one that I think is most striking is that of Jonah.
God said, “Jonah, go to Ninevah.”
Jonah said, “Oh, heck no!” and ran away to Tarshish … the opposite end of the world.
God didn’t strike Jonah dead. He DID show His wrath by bringing a storm and making it clear to the sailors that the storm was Jonah’s fault. But He showed mercy to Jonah by letting the whale swallow him and giving him time to reconsider. Then He had the whale spit Jonah out on the beach so that Jonah could do as he was told. In other words, God gave Jonah a second chance.
It seems to me that those who were severely punished were violating laws that had been set down, clearly, in advance, and laws that they had been warned carried the penalty of death.
Uzzah: When God commissioned the Ark of the Covenant, He stated quite clearly that , after it was consecrated, it was not to be touched, on penalty of death. (Num. 4) By touching the Ark, even out of good intentions, Uzzah violated the sanctity of the Ark.
Dathan, Abiram, and Korah: God made it quite clear that His altars were to be used for His glory, and that anyone who did not follow His instructions for the sacrifices would be killed. By offering unauthorized sacrifices (strange fire), these men violated the sanctity of the altar of God.
Adam and Eve: God said “in the day that you eat of that tree’s fruit, you shall surely die.”
Saul: Saul had more second chances than you might think, but he just kept on doing it his way. Consulting with a witch, when God said “Don’t allow a witch to live.” Letting Agag live and keeping some of Agag’s livestock when God said, “Completely destroy all of the Amalekites and everything they own.” Offering sacrifices to God, when God has clearly said that the priest, and ONLY the priest, was to offer sacrifices. Saul’s disobedience was a lifelong pattern that showed his unwillingness to submit to God’s rules.
Over and over, we see that those people who are struck down instantly violated God’s holiness. The people who violated other instructions were usually allowed to live and given second chances. They still had to deal with the consequences of their actions (Adam and Eve and the curse, David and the death of his baby, Saul and the loss of his kingdom, Jonah and three days in a fish’s guts, Samson’s slavery and blindness …), but God allowed them physical life and chances to repent.
I think we have to keep that in mind with our kids. Outright rebellion that challenges the parent’s authority as parent — “you’re not the boss of me,” “I won’t” — requires swift, decisive punishment. But childishnesss, foolishness, forgetfulness, and the myriad other ways that a child can disobey without malicious intent, these require mercy, understanding, and gentle correction.
I have found this true with my two boys. I tried the “instant obedience” rubric with my first, but I found that it created barriers between us. It exasperated and frustrated him — putting me in disobedience to God, who has told me not to provoke my children to anger. When I learned which hills were worth dying on and stopped punishing the same way for every infraction, my relationship with my son improved dramatically.
One resource that has helped me to develop Biblical consequences for misbehaviour is the book “For Instruction in Righteousness,” written by Pam Forster. It’s a topical Bible, of sorts, that analyzes many different kinds of behaviour by listing the Bible passages that refer to it. Thus, for example, since God says that the person who won’t work should not eat, an appropriate consequence for a child who refuses to do his assigned chores would be to miss a meal. But if he chooses to then do the chores, he should be allowed to eat; he should not be refused the rewards of repentance.