Singing Rant

I’ve been enjoying most of the Christmas music being played on the local radio stations. I found a “new” one this year that plays some of the less-known, older, and more niche music, and most of it’s pretty good stuff. A darn sight better than the station that plays “Last Christmas” by Wham! at least once an hour. (I have come to loathe that song.)

Like my friend John, I am always saddened to hear the horrible enunciations, like “May-ree di Jew know.” But I can usually get over it enough to enjoy the music and sing along.

But there is this one song that makes me scream. It’s sung by a woman with a low, husky voice and a “bluesy” style. She’s singing “What Child Is This?” and she really has a lovely voice. But her phrasing is appalling. My college choir director (Marcy) would have a stroke, and I’m pretty sure our church choir director (Jay) would too, if they heard this recording.

The first problem is that the woman almost never finishes a word. It sounds like “Wha chile ih dih who lay to res’ ohn May-ree lap ih sleepeen. Who angel gree wi’ anthem swee why shepher’ wah cha keepee.”

I am not kidding. The first three times I heard it, I thought it was in a foreign language. I used to think Jay and Marcy were SO PICKY about putting the final consonants on our words … but I now officially and publicly apologize for my snarky thoughts. They are SO RIGHT.

And then there’s the breathing. Now, Marcy always said we should train until we could sing about eight measures without a breath. I never managed that, but I got to where I could manage four measures, and sometimes six. But that was okay. Because Marcy also said that it was okay if we just HAD to sneak a breath in the middle of a phrase, but for heaven’s sake DON’T do it in the middle of a word.

Somehow, this singer missed that bit of instruction. She breathes smack in the middle of shepherds, salvation, and virgin. And there are a couple of melismatic phrases (I love the word “melisma.” Got that one from Marcy, too!) that would be really lovely — if the singer didn’t take a huge gasping breath in the middle of them.

I try not to be overly critical of amateur singers, being one myself and being aware of my own faults and ignorance in the art. I try not to be critical of people who are praising God, because God never said “make a beautiful noise.” He only said “make a joyful noise.” And He wants our praise. Who am I to judge someone who is whole-heartedly singing in praise of God?

But I simply cannot bear to listen to this particular rendition of “What Child Is This.” It gives me chill bumps for all the wrong reasons.

Tags: Christmas music, Entertainment, rant, singing